The presents are wrapped, tree decorated, table set and carols play softly in the background. And then life happens.

“We all have heightened expectations of the holidays,” says Mills-Peninsula licensed marriage and family therapist Linda Gore-Webster.

“But, inevitably the baby gets sick, mom falls and hurts herself or Uncle Henry goes on a drinking binge.”

Yet, the months between Halloween and the New Year don’t have to be one long blur of obligations, disappointments and burnout, she said.

“You can set limits, focus on a couple things that are really important to you and divvy up the responsibility.” Instead of taking on the formal family meal single-handedly, call for a potluck and limit the gathering to specific hours, she suggests.

“Family dynamics and obligations can be stressful throughout the year without even adding the extra cooking, cleaning and shopping.”

Making it doable and reasonable will help keep the joy while lowering stress, she says.

“Don’t get too angry, hungry, tired or isolated. Avoid alcohol and have several small meals throughout the day.” People who’ve experienced a recent loss or tragedy shouldn’t feel compelled to celebrate, she adds.

“It’s important not to avoid feelings of grief or sadness just because they don’t ‘belong’ to the season. Find a nurturing environment where you feel accepted as you are.”

Unplanned changes in eating or sleeping patterns, feeling exhausted, feeling tearful much of the time, hopelessness or difficulty getting going, may all be warning signs of depression, she advises.

“It’s important to recognize the symptoms and reach out for professional support.”